i have a job!!!

well i finally have some good news to tell any one who reads this. i finally have a job. at fortune bay as a cleaner and i work midnights. i can't wait to start. i do not know how much i make. but i will find out soon. this job just fell in my lap. i just can't wait. i don't know all the details right now but i have to go sighn the papers on friday and i will find out everything then.. HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY, HAPPY HAPPY JOY,JOY!!!!!

i have a gun and i know how to use it!!!

hello again. well i have been goot. everything is ok, still no job but still looking. anyways last weekend Mike gave me a beebee gun. it is really big and it has a scoop on it. every one who see's it says it look's like a real guy. i love it. Mike keeps telling me i will want a real one one day but i don't think so. then yesterday guess what happen to my car? well i was at Adam
s house and Jo went to work and when i left i seen a big dent in my back dor and all my pannal on my doors were moved up so i could not open my door. i went to go talk to JO and she was liioking at the back of her car to see all the red pain from my car. she tooled me she didn't know she hit my car. she did say she was sorry. but this is what happened she backed up and hit my car but didn't know it so when she hit my car she keped backing up so all my panile was all coming off. and she didn't even know she did it. WHAT A DORK!!!!

1 YEAR!!!

well it has been a whole year since my daughter Riley Ann Staver was born on February 10th 2008. it was a vary bad year last year for me. it went so fast for me it was like a bad dream. but i am alright now. i will try to do my best to start over with my life. so i am going to walk every day some times twice a day. i am going to get a complete fiscal to see if i am ok. and i will go from there. i still have no idea what i am going to do about a job right now. but i will fighter it out. i will get on with my life. i need to. i can't let this stop me. it took my whole life. i will get it back. i will not let it run my life any more. so wish me luck if any one cares.

NORTH DAKOTA!!!!!

Me and mike went to the city of Fargo in North Dakota last weekend. spear of the moment kinda thing. we had so much fun. it took 5 hours to get there. we drove right past Sarah's house. we finally got there around 7pm and drank the rest of the night at the bar in the hotel we stayed at. we did summer sluts on the bed. i totally messed up my neck. we just hung out and talked about stuff in the room. this crazy thing happened to me when we were coming back from the bar. i fell on the cement floor. slamming the back of my head on the way down. i had a huge bump on my head. i had a huge headache so i went to go look for something for it, when i walked out of our hotel room there was a cop just standing in front of our door. i think we were loud. then we passed out 10 minuets after that. just before we went to bed Mike ordered a pizza. when we woke up with a hang over the next morning we looked out our window and guess what we seen? we seen hooters the restraint. then we looked around the city and all we seen where help wanted sighs. that was one crazy weekend. but i had fun.

well hello to you all. i am doing good me and Mike are fine. Mike got his job and then the next day his boss fired all the temp's so he is a very lucky boy. he is going to have enuf money to get an apartment at the end of next month. so i am so excited about that cuz that mean's i will be moving down there soon. i hope there are jobs there cuz i am going out of my mind. i just hope this year will be better then last year. i don't have much to say so that's all i am going to say. for now.

the big move !

well i am going to moving in my new apartment this weekend. it's upstairs. John tolled me i have to be as quit as a mouse. so that means Mike and his son can not come over or some one will call the cops on me again and i will get kicked out. so i am pissed off cuz he tolled me he had a down stairs for me and he lied about it. so every time Mike comes over he has to get a room for him and his son. i am having a bad day. i miss my kid. i just want to run away but i can't. i just want to start over where no one knows me or what happened to me and my baby. i want to brake up with Mike but i can't. it's to hard. to much there. for me if i say goodbye to him i am kinda in my mind saying goodbye to a little peace of her. and i just can't do that right now. i have nothing to show for my life but urine for my little girl's ashes. no job,no money no nothing right now. why can't i just be happy, have a my own family and a good life. so i am not having a good day today. i just want this to go away. some times i think of her and just cry. all alone. i am writing this cuz i feel better writing it then talking about this. i just want it to go away.

well hello again to u all. well Mike and his son came over last weekend. and as soon as we got home the girl down stairs from me. called the cops on us because Mikes little boy was running and jumping. he was happy and we did tell him to stop but he didn't. then big John came over to give me a letter and telling me i have to wright a letter to who owns the apartments, telling them it will never happen again. the funny thing is the the chick down stares lets her dog bark all the time and playing her crappy music all night long. but i am the one getting in trouble. so i do not know. i think the chick down stairs is trying to get me kicked out. i didn't do anything to her. i just don't know what to do any more. it's not getting any better. me and mike are not getting better. i just don'r know.

well Mike did pay for the phone and now i have my cell phone back on. YAHOOO!!!! so anyways i been thinking about stuff for a while. i can't help it it just comes and goes when it wants too. i miss my baby girl. i try to not think about her but i can't help it. i remember it like it was yesterday. everything. the way Mike looked when we went to the hospital. i can still hear my dad crying in my ear. when we came home after we found out and Mike was sitting on the coach with me and Jo walked in and all i could say to her is that it is ok. knowing it was not. i tryed to make every one feel like it was ok but it was not. how my 2 big sisters were so mad cuz all they wanted for me is to get it over with. yelling at the so called doc i had. that was the best. how no one knew at he hospital knew how far along i was. when she was coming i started to cry cuz Mike was not there and Becky had to run out side to go get him. i sware it only to 2 seconds for him to come in to the room after becky went to go get him. how the doc kept telling me how bad she looked and if he helped me her head will pop off. that's what he said. he wanted me to look at her when i was trying to get her out of me. well all this plus more all run in my head every day and night. i try to stop and think of something good but i can't. i think about this Christmas and family but it just makes me sad. cuz last year i thought about Riley and how much fun and proud i would be of her cuz every one would have said how cute she was and pass her around. sitting on Santa's lap. all that good stuff i thought about last year. so i fave to say i am not looking forward to this year. it will for me be sad. i just don't want to face it. i will be alone on that day even with all my family around me i will still be alone. i just don't want to do this but i will and if any one reads this. just to let u know she is always in my mind even thought u do not think about her i do. so if u see me sad or what ever this year just remember it is not u. it's all me and i will be ok. just thinking about it. i just want to cry. there is every one so happy with there kids and grandkids having fun. then there is me childless because i am to damn stubborn. if i was not stubborn i think it would have been different. why does my mom say it is going to be ok??? in the past before my baby everything was ok until now. i believed her. i should have lesion to every one telling me i should have went some where else to see a different doc. i am so stubborn. why do i have to learn the hard way all the time. why did this happen. this never happened in my family. i was 3 months and i bout her diperbag cuz i knew nothing was going to happen. how did i know the baby didn't stop moving. i was thinking of a newborn. they don't move when they are sleeping in there crib. why didn't any one tell me they do not stop moving when u are pregnant????? but i guess i learned my lesion the hard way like i always do.. i know i tell people to get over it and i do the same with things that are in my life and i tryed to get over my baby and i can't. this will be with me untill i die. i will always think of her. last weekend mike had a dream about his dad. his dad had a big smile on his face and he was holding a baby girl in his arms. mike knew that was Riley. she was a newborn. Mike said he could not see her face but just knew it was her. he keeped telling me that the baby his dad was holding was beautifull. when he tolled me i was kinda mad that he can have dreams like this cuz the last time i had a dream about her. some one was telling me that some one was going to try to take my baby away then a few weeks later we find out that she was gone. so anyways i better go

some bad news!

well i have some bad news if any one cares i quit my job cuz they cut back my hours. so now i have no job. but that is not the worst part my cell phone was cut off as well. so do not call me. u can email me all u want. i am starting to work out. i hope it works. i should have done this last February. but whatever i got so lazy. the funny thing is that mike thinks that i am going to the gym and i am not. so i am keeping all the money he gives me. hehehehe. so i have to work out. no matter what. we both agred that i would after my baby was born but i just could not and then i just got lazy. but not any more. anyways have a good day.

the big night out!

well hello again to u all. me and joAn went to fortune bay Saturday night to see some strippers. we had lots of fun. there was only 3 guys who striped down to almost nothing and they were good. they were all over me that night. 1 guy gave me a lap dance, the other one grabbed me and pulled me towards him. he was hot, my hair was flying and i felt his hot wet body. SO nice. and then i hugged the other guy while he was licking my neck. the other guys who were there all they did was dance really badly with bad music. but we both had fun. but we hope the chip and Daile's come next year or some one better. but if not we are still going to go next year no mater what. so we both had fun. well did u know it is me and Bailey's B_day this month? her b_day is on the 12th and my b_day is on the 13th. she will be the big 02 and i will be 29. i am so old. anyways. have a good day.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

it's a good day to go trick or treating tonight. i hope all the little kids have a fun night and get lots of candy. i wish i could go but i have to work and then baby site my brothers 2 big dogs. they didn't even leave any candy out for the kids. well i hope u guys all have fun. anyways Mike came up last weekend. but i didn't even know so i had my trick for this Halloween. mike surprised me and scared me so bad i almost had a heart attack. then after my heart slowed down we went to the north shore again. it was a little cold but it was nice. we spent the night in a motel that looked like a little cabin. it was so nice. we didn't do much we Sat on the shore line and looked for rocks and watched the waves. it was so nice and we both needed it. we drake and talked and laugh and Mike passed out by 8pm. i could not believe it but that's what happened. the whole weekend he beeped asking me to marry him. so i said yeah what the hell but i tooled him he has to buy me a cute little ring and pay a judge to marry us. so he said yeah. but i have no idea when that will be maybe next year. so if i marry this guy i will be known as Allison staver or ally staver. that sounds really bad. but whatever i guess. anyways have fun and be good.

they are home!!!!!

they are home thank god or what every u want they are home. no more Flyin, well last night i took a hottub and when i went down stairs i seen the "BEAST" humping my pillow. for gross, and then he barked all night, i think he seen the cat. then as soon as 8 am came around there he was in my face and climbing all over me. so i don't care mom and dad came home. Flyin so not my problem any more YAHOOOOOO! so now back to my life. BORING !!!! bye bye

my first day!!

well it is not easy to babysit a big dog that is as spoiled as Flyin. let me tell u how my first day went, so the dog spent the whole day out side cuz i was babysitting the girls all day. but i did come back here for about a half an hour. i will just say it is like a zoo here. u let the dog in and u have to let the cat out. vary tricky thing to do. so anyways i finally come back to let the "BEAST " in and let the cat out. CRAZY so he went nuts but he was ok after awhile. did i tell u this place is FREEZING. it is always cold in here. and there coach don't even get me started on that. it's so uncomfortable to sleep on i think i sleeped a few hours last night. so i Finlay got to sleep and the next thing i know Flyin is putting his noise in my face. to go out side to potty at 8 am in the morning. mind u, i didn't get much sleep that night. so i let him out site and i bring him in and i was getting ready to make some food when the " BEAST " grabs dad's orange hat. the hat is to go for walks well i tolled him no so he started to freak out walking all over the house with that orange hat. so i called mom and dad to see were i can bring him or what to do with him. well i ended up bring him to Adam's house to play with his 2 dogs. he was all excited to go some where. so we got there and right away Adam's dog Rascal started to growl at Flyin. he was so scared so i got scared and again called up my dad. but i guess rascal does that to show Flyin who is boss. so i put him in the cage with the 2 dogs and Rascal tolled him who's boss's all right. i got so scared i all most started to cry cuz i do not like dog fights. so about 2 hours in i went to go see if the guys were ok and he was so sad i took the "BEAST" out and took him back home. did i tell u how cold it is here. i have no idea how they do it. so that was my first day. so i have 3 more days with the "BEAST" do u think i will make it? i hope i do. I MISS HEAT!!!!!

babysitting!!!

my parents went to go see Becky and i am babysit Flyin for the week. starting today and i only seen him for about a half an hour today and he is doing fine i think. he is a big dog. he likes to jump on me and bite my hand to tell me he needs to go potty. he is such a big baby. did i tell u i have to sleep with him too cuz he is such a baby he can't sleep out side at night. so even though mom's house is cold i get to cuddle with there dog. Charily is staying over at the girls House for the week and i don't know how he is going to behave. so i am a little worried about that. i would bring him to mom's house but Flyin is a bully to smaller animals then he is. so this will be a fun week. i get to stay in a cold house and use the hottub all i want. hehehehe. Mike is coming over this weekend and i can't wait. i think we are going to the north shore again. this time i will bring my camera. he loves that place. so i was thinking that i should wait until Mike gets his own place before i move to the city's. cuz his mom is getting on his nerves. she is a neat freak. my sister was that way i hated it. so i kinda feel sorry for mike. but whatever i think he deserves it. he is kinda that way to me. so come back another time to see what happens next.

my baby girl!

well hello again, well i just realized in 3 more months it will be 1 year since my baby was born. that is so weird to me cuz to me it seems like it was just yesterday. to this day i still cant think of what she looked like when she was born. she was so small. she was only a foot long and only a pound. so that was really small. i know she looked like me but the way her skin was when she was born. the doc. tolled me what her skin was like when i was trying to get her out of me but i still can't think about how that would look. i mean she was dead for about 2 or 3 weeks before we found out. she was sitting in water the whole time. so i don't know i guess i will always try to imagine how she looked like that day. but every time i try to i think of a fat chubby baby. witch is fine with me cuz i eat so much then cuz i wanted a chubby baby. we figer if it happens it happens so there is no perisher on us. and if that happens we will do what we have to so it is not so much stress on us and we will get a good doc. this time. i mean i know it will not always be this way. so that will be ok. my dog helps me alot he keeps my mind on him and not on her. that is one of the reason i got him. but when i move to the city's it will be a sad day for me cuz i can't bring him with me. he will be living with JO and the girls. so i know he will be ok. i hope. it seems to me every time i get a pet i always have to give them up. i hate that. cuz i really want my dog. more then anything. i will allways love my baby no mater how many kids me and Mike have she will always be my baby , my kids will know about there big sister.

North Shore!

well i had fun last weekend with Mike. we all went to the north shore for the day on Sunday me Mike and his 3 year old son. we had lots of fun i did take picks but i had to buy a throw away camera so i can't get them on here. i forgot my camera. but wow the weather was grate. the colors of the leaves were beautiful. the waves were huge all most gobbled Mike and his son all up. but i saved them . the falls were very nice. there was allot of people there. but we all had fun. so we are going there when it is winter. it's a nice place to go to get away from it all. it's only 2 hours away so it's not far to go but far enuf to get away. oh Mike has a new car. it's vary nice cuz it only took $15 dollars to go to the north shore and back. i missed that guy so much. he was prefect all weekend. i was good too. so it was Mikes B_day last Sunday. so i got him some boxers that he loves and a husband card and when he read it he started to cry. how sweet is that. did anyone remember that my B_Day is next month on the 13 ? hmmmm did u? i hope u did. i will be the big 29. i am SO old. but i look good at 29. hehehehe bye

i don't know!!

how have u been? i have been working at grandma's for 3 weeks mostly on the weekend. its going good i just make salads. i am hoping to learn how to cook soon. i am still looking for another job. it's not looking good but i am still looking. Mike is coming up for the weekend and i can't wait. he said he is going to buy me food. well me and charily are walking every day and don't think he lost anything but i think i did. but that's all i have to say nothing good happening here is tower. so see u later

my new job!

well i had my first day of work today and i think it went good. i had to work with one of the guys that was hired. well the guy was sood but i think i was good too. he was nice but we will see. all i did was prep all day. it was ok it wasn't to hard to do. so i wor the rest of the week with that same guy. i think every one knows him but i was a sweet funny girl and i think they like me. so that was my day and i like it.

starting my new job

well tomorrow i will be starting my new job at the restaurant called grandma's as a cook and i can't wait i am so Bord sitting at home doing nothing. i am a little sad cuz i have to downgrade. the cook job is only 30 hours a week and i live all the way in Tower so all my money is going to gas. but it's ok as soon as i get the job and blow the 2 guys out of the water. i will learn how to cook and when i get good i can go to any restaurant and get a job as a cook so it's ok for now. so wish me luck! well i was thinking about the hotel job and i am not going to take it.

i can have 2 jobs!!!

well i have to make a decision, ok the hotel called this morning to ask if i still wanted that job. i think Aaron had something to do with that. cuz she said she would call some time next week and the next day after my interview they call me. weird! so i start work at the restraint on Wednesday morning and i don't even know i really got that job so i am thinking on calling the restraint and asking if i can start in the afternoon instead of in the morning so i can work in the hotel. well the hotel is a part time job and i will work like everyday. they pay $6.75 an hour so that is little money for me. so i was thinking if i do work for both job i would have to move to virginia some how. so what do u think?? these 2 jobs are the only ones that called i don't know if anyone else will call me for a job.