just another day!

sorry i have not been writing on my blog but i have been busy every day after work i went to baby site the kids. so i just got home from work and a girl from work who is pregnant is in labor and should have her kid i think by tonight. i think she is having a boy. she is keeping everyone up dated by the hour for some reason. work is getting better. every now and again some one asks me about the baby but it's getting easier to tell them. me and mike are going to wait 1 more month and then we are going to try to have another baby. i know it will take awhile and that's ok with me. i know it will suck beaning pregnant in the summer but i don't care i just want to fell my baby kick like it should. Riley died before she could really kick. i know that we should wait until everything is up to date but if u have never been in my satiation u will never really understand how it feels. i am trying to look past this and think of good things. so anyways everything is going ok for now and getting back to my life. so nothing new has happened to me just alot of thinking and everyone knows this blog is for me so i can wright down the things i am thinking . so in a few years i can look back and read it so if u don't want to say anything that's ok. i miss been pregnant and i want a family with mike. i can't see my self with any one else. i know times are tough right now but i know they will get better. so have a good day.

a better tomorrow!

well i am sorry about yesterday i was in a bad mood. so anyways i went to the job interview in evleth and they said they will call me some times next week. but i put my app. in at f & f the gas station in town and they said we will see and i put my app. in were Jo works the old farts home. i had 1 interview there and i am going back tomorrow after work for another one and the boss there said that because of my last name that i am a shoe in because he loves Jo. it is a midnight shift and i really don't have to do anything really. so we will see tomorrow.maybe he will say yes u got the job u can start Monday night. so cross your fingers. i am hoping my bad luck is turning in to good luck now. so if i get this job i will not be blogging allot cuz i will be sleeping allot.

everything is going wrong!

well work is getting better. i can't wait for payday. i am So broke. i thought i had money but i have no money so i do not know what i am going to do. i don't get payed until 2 weeks. so anyways i have a job interview tomorrow. i hope i get it. i don't know how i am going to go there every day but i will think of something. it pays good so we will see when i get payed from that job if i get it. but i am going to keep my other job also so i will i hope have 2 jobs because i can't live this way. there is not allot of good jobs around here so i hope i get it. but did u know life sucks? did u notice when u need the money u don't have any at all. nothing has been going right since Riley but we are getting by some how i just don't know how cuz we have no money. mike said he is getting food but i don't know how he is. cuz he has no money i have no money so who knows how we are going to get food. sorry if this is depressing but this is how it is right now. anyways whatever right. i know people are having a harder time in life then us so i am not complaning or anything. i just want to say life sucks when it really sucks. so nothing good happened in my life so this is it. i am just hopping it will get better soon. i hope u are having a better day then me.

LIFE!

so how is everyone going???? sorry i have not put up nothing but i have been lazy and tired. this weekend is crazy at work we have a full house. we have 173 rooms to clean. anyways my car broke down and Adam is fixing it thank goodness. i hope i will get it back tomorrow. everything at work is going ok. i am a little defencive of everything. but it's ok i think everyone understands it. i have a job interview on Tuesday and i hope i get it cuz i really need the money. i guess it's easy and i can make good money there. i think this a bad year for us cuz there is always something going wrong. but whatever i say. i will get over it. anyways i have to tell u something mom my comp is all screwed up i hope u can come over soon to fix it or something. well i do not have any scary storeys to tell. there are so Meany pregnant woman at work and i can't stand it. i am so jealous of them cuz they are so happy. i know i will be like that some day soon again. but that's all the news i have today i know it's boring but this is my life. so have a good night and a better tomorrow.

day 2 on the job.

well my second day on the job. still a little nerves but doing good. well everything went kinda good. this morning i was showing some one my tattoo and guess who was right there ?? jean !!!!!! so she talked as loud as she could and said " oh i was just going to tell her about your tattoo oh by the way (to the girl next to her ) do U want to see her tattoo ?" so i bitched her out. i tooled her she had no right to tell everyone about my tattoo it was my business who i tell. and it wasn't just another tattoo. it was for my daughter. i tolled her to shut up and mind her business, yesterday she said that every bad thing happens is a gift we just don't know it. so i tooled her this was NO gift. this was pure hell and beyond for me, mike and my whole family. so i think i scared her off cuz now she won't even look at me. hehehehehe. Sarah u would have been proud. well after that everything was good. when i was done with work and went to have a smoke in the break room this girl came up to me and asked how far along was i. so i tooled her i lost my baby and then i left to go work out at the gym and almost started to cry a few times. that was so hard. anyways there is a girl who i work with and she is i think 4 or 5 months and we started talking about baby stuff and oh my god i miss that so much. so me and mike were talking last night about when we want to start trying again and i tooled him as soon as i am done taking my medicine and wait 1 week after so it's out of my system. i thought i could wait for about 3 months but we can't. i want a baby. we are ready to have a baby. we were ready for Riley. yes i know i should louse all this fat but i know now that i don't have to feed my face in the beginning. i am going to work out the whole time. please do not tell me we are not ready this is up to us. just be happy about it. we are ready.

work!

well i am back from work and it went good. nobody asked me anything. some tolled me it was good that i am back . i got 1 hug. everything was going great until some old woman seen my tattoo and announces it to the whole room that i have it and i had to show it off. that was not cool. i all most started to cry because it's not just another tattoo to me. then she said that everything that goes wrong turns in to a blessing in some way. i wanted to slap her because that is NO blessing. no mater what way u look at it. then she said god might think u were not ready for it. i have no idea why some one would say such a thing to something like this. well anyways i wanted to go work out after work but my foot hurt so i just came home. so we will see tomorrow. dad guess who that old bat was who said that stuff to me??? jean!!!!!!!!!!

back to work.

well tomorrow i go back to work yahoo!!! i have to wake up at 6am hopefully i can wake up that early again. it's been a while. but i am some what nerves and excited about it. getting back to normal i guess. i know some will just look at me with sympathy and others will ask and i know who it will be cuz she is the only person from work who called me when she found out. i don't mind telling her cuz she is kinda nice but the other ones just want to be noisy. but as soon as i am done working i am going to there gym to start working out. i can't wait. anyways come back tomorrow to see what happened.