the big move !

well i am going to moving in my new apartment this weekend. it's upstairs. John tolled me i have to be as quit as a mouse. so that means Mike and his son can not come over or some one will call the cops on me again and i will get kicked out. so i am pissed off cuz he tolled me he had a down stairs for me and he lied about it. so every time Mike comes over he has to get a room for him and his son. i am having a bad day. i miss my kid. i just want to run away but i can't. i just want to start over where no one knows me or what happened to me and my baby. i want to brake up with Mike but i can't. it's to hard. to much there. for me if i say goodbye to him i am kinda in my mind saying goodbye to a little peace of her. and i just can't do that right now. i have nothing to show for my life but urine for my little girl's ashes. no job,no money no nothing right now. why can't i just be happy, have a my own family and a good life. so i am not having a good day today. i just want this to go away. some times i think of her and just cry. all alone. i am writing this cuz i feel better writing it then talking about this. i just want it to go away.